For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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