I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
