About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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