I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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