We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
