he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
