"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
