She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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