Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he puts the penis in happiness.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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