my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
