we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
