apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
