some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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