Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
