It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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