Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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