i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
