somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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