Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
