Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
