How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
