It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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