just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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