Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
