Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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