His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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