Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
