I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
