it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
