fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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