it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
