i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
