Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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