What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
