I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
