whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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