Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
