There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
