omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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