Non-Jews are for practice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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