There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
