I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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