She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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