Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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