I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
