Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
