last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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