if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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