i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
