my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
